Archives for posts with tag: trust

Like most children, when I was a little girl, I trusted that my parents would take care of me and that all was well in my world.  It isn’t something that children even think about, they just open their hearts and place their trust in others – their parents, their siblings, their teachers and their friends.  Thankfully, I’m one of the lucky ones whose trust was unbroken as a young child.

Although this post is not about dogs (for a change!), I love this photo as it beautifully illustrates the trust between my sweet Daisy and one of her kitties, Salem.  Animals have so much to teach us about so many things - including trusting one another!

Although this post is not about dogs (for a change!), I love this photo as it beautifully illustrates the trust between my sweet Daisy and one of her kitties, Salem. Like young children, most animals seem to have that innate ability to trust with an open heart!

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to trust – the elusive, intangible that is often an unspoken promise.  In many aspects the glue that holds a relationship together.  Whether it be a friendship, a marriage or even a business relationship.  I’ve been going back in my mind, trying to pinpoint at what age I first experienced the pain of placing my trust in another, only to have it broken.  And we use the term ‘broken’ when referring to trust as it can be shattered into tiny fragments, destroying a once healthy relationship.  When we place our trust in someone and they disappoint or betray us, it’s almost impossible for that relationship to be made whole again.

I honestly can’t remember the first time my trust was broken.  But I do know that I’ve experienced the pain many times over the years.   I’ve been told by those closest to me that I’m ‘too trusting’ – but how can you have a deep connection with anyone while guarding your heart and holding back the trust?  I don’t believe in hedging my bets when it comes to relationships – I’m an ‘all in’ kind of gal.  I also don’t believe that trust needs to be earned, I believe it’s something that is given freely with an open heart. And yes, this often results in having my trust broken.  Sometimes it’s a slow erosion, little seemingly inconsequential events that eventually lead to broken trust and the end of a relationship.  Other times, there is a major deal breaker such as infidelity that has broken my trust in another.

Which leads me to the point of this blog.  I recently experienced a very painful ‘break up’ of sorts – not with my husband but with a trusted friend and business associate.  Over the past five years, this person was someone that I trusted above all others in many times of crisis. I don’t want to go into detail, as this is not a ‘smear’, but suffice it to say that we had what I thought was a symbiotic relationship, both personally and professionally.  I went out of my way to show my appreciation and gratitude for everything this person brought to my life, and yes, I trusted them completely.

Things began to shift in the past few months.   At first I overlooked the unreturned phone calls and texts, making excuses for the other person – they were busy, lots going on in their life, etc.  But as this progressed, I began to get angry – and yes hurt.  I was busy, too and quite honestly, I was no longer getting what I needed from this relationship – mostly on a professional level, but also personally.  When you mix business with friendship, the lines sometimes get blurred and this is where things get sticky.  And so I had two choices, walk away or confront. If you know me, you know that I will avoid confrontation at all costs, but this was an important relationship to me and I decided to take the chance and ask point blank, “what the heck is going on?”  I reached out several times via email – only to be put off repeatedly.  As time went on, I vacillated between confusion – “what did I do to cause this person to turn their back on me?”, anger, “how dare they, I have been a loyal and faithful client and friend!”, and ultimately to a deep sadness.

And finally, I reached out one more time – hoping that I was just being overly sensitive and there was a perfectly logical explanation for what was a simple misunderstanding. Turns out there was no misunderstanding.  For no apparent reason, this person no longer wished to continue our relationship – professionally or personally.  Although these were not the exact words, the intent of the message was crystal clear.  I have been summarily dismissed and my trust has been shattered.

At this point, I have several choices – push for further explanation, the ever popular ‘don’t get mad, get even’ or simply walk away.  Often in these situations, our first instinct is to want to inflict emotional pain on the other person, so they will feel as badly as we do.  And trust me, this was tempting.  As I cried tears of frustration and sorrow mixed with anger, my husband gave me the best advice of all – do nothing, it’s OVER.  At first I thought that was the typical male response, just ignore the feelings – but then after calming down and much soul searching, I realized he was right.  There is nothing I can do or say in this situation that is going to change the outcome.  Lashing out at the other person will not make me feel better.  I know in my heart that I have been a good friend and client, and that is the best I can do.  I gave my trust freely and it was broken, but this will not break me nor cause me to guard my heart in the future.  I’m not quite evolved enough to truly wish this person well, but I can say Namaste (loosely translated meaning ‘the soul within me bows to the soul within you’) and walk away with grace and dignity.

Many blessings,

Melissa

Advertisements

The other night I attended the first meeting of a newly formed spiritual growth book club.  I was so excited as this is in perfect alignment with my commitment to choose balance and get back on my spiritual path!  The evening was everything I had hoped – a group of like minded individuals (ok, I’ll spell it out in case you’re wondering – all women!) – all of us seekers on this magical mystical journey we call life.  We discussed the first chapter of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, a powerful book that I read many years ago and obviously need to re-read as I’ve seemingly forgotten – or have chosen to ignore (hmmm … that is a topic on all its own!) – the very valuable messages contained on each page.  At some point in the evening, talk turned to the issue of ‘trust’ and the law of attraction.  The idea that if we trust we’re safe and all is well in our world, then it will be.  But when we start worrying and living in fear, the Universe will reflect that back to us and give us examples of how we’re ‘right’.  Being a big believer in the law of attraction, I started reflecting on my own experiences and issues with trust.  When, I wondered, did I stop trusting that all is well in my world?

I was reminded of a time when I first started dating my husband.  I lived in the city and never worried about locking my door – I would leave my front door open with only the screen door (unlocked) for ‘protection’ and never gave it a second thought.  And just in case you’re wondering, this was before I had four large dogs!  At the time it was just me and my little Cairn terrier and my cat.  One day Micheal came over and was aghast that I had just left myself ‘wide open’ and didn’t I know that it was dangerous and any number of horrible fates could result by my carelessness?  Little by little, I started ‘protecting’ myself – first I started keeping my front door closed and locked, then I added a padlock to my gate and so it goes.  Now I live in a big house with a 7’ wall surrounding our courtyard, an alarm system and four large dogs – and guess what?  Not only was my car broken into last year, but I was robbed – in the middle of the day!  An intruder entered our courtyard, came into my studio while I was no more than 10’ away in my yoga room, and walked off with my purse, smart phone, an envelope containing hundreds of dollars in donations to my rescue – Daisy’s Place, other misc. items, and most importantly my sense of security!

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my husband.  But I do know that once we open our minds to fear and the seed is planted, slowly over time we begin to have that fear validated as we start to believe that the world is a scary place.  Everywhere we turn there are examples of crime, violence and natural disasters of every sort imaginable.  But this has always been the case – so why then did I choose to start believing in fear and how did I lose my trust that all is well in my world?

I hate to admit that this sense of anxiety and fear extends beyond my safety at home – it has somehow seeped into many aspects of my life.  Another example is that I often find myself paralyzed with fear while driving on the freeway.  When did this happen???  When I was younger, I’d hop in my car and drive hundreds of miles, in inclement weather no less, without giving it another thought.  At one point in my life, I even went flying in an A4 (the jets that were flown by the Blue Angels) – I couldn’t wait to climb up and get strapped in and soar up into the clouds, thrilled with each ‘loop-de-loop’, plastered in my seat as we ‘pulled’ 5 Gs.  I had complete trust in the pilot – and the Universe!  I think back to those carefree days with a mixture of longing and disbelief.  Again, I ask myself, what happened?  How have I become so fearful?  When did I lose my trust – and most importantly, why?

Precious

As often happens when we’re ‘seeking’, we start viewing the world in a different light.  Yesterday I picked up Precious, a sweet little chocolate Lab mix, from our vet’s office to take her to her new foster home.  To give you a little background – this adorable little girl was found wandering about 3 hours away from Charleston.  She was picked up by animal control and brought to the shelter – what we in rescue refer to as ‘the scary place’ for you can only imagine how terrifying it must be for these poor animals to suddenly find themselves locked in a cage with hundreds of other scared animals, barking, crying and meowing. Precious spent almost two weeks at the shelter and nobody came to claim her so she ended up on the ‘put to sleep’ list.  I had a volunteer pick her up, where she was driven an hour and a half – with a strange man – to meet another volunteer (again, a stranger) who drove her the rest of the way to Charleston.  She was then taken to the vet, checked out and then she got in the car with me.  As I sat talking to her and reassuring her that she was safe, I looked over and Precious had this big smile on her face.  Her tongue was hanging out, her ears were perked in anticipation and she seemed truly joyful, content – and you guessed it, trusting!  I was once again reminded of the many valuable lessons these amazing creatures have to teach us.  If this sweet dog can be so trusting, not knowing where she is or where she’s going, why then, can’t I do the same?  I can’t begin to imagine the terror she’s gone through in the past several weeks, and yet, she hopped in that first volunteer’s car with total trust and an open heart.

Thank you Precious for reminding me that the world can be a safe and loving place, I have only to trust and believe!

many blessings,
Melissa