Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up

When I first started this blog, I thought writing about various aspects of my life would help me achieve balance.  As time goes by, I realize that I’m most compelled to write about my experiences with the precious grey muzzles known as Daisy Dogs (Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue).  These amazing creatures have taught me so much about life, love, and yes, all too often these days, loss.

While I prefer to focus on the joy they bring to my life – and so many others – there is also the flip side of the coin, knowing they will be gone much too soon.  These furry treasures often come to us with broken bodies and yet their spirits are usually strong and their incredible capacity to love and live in the moment is a gift beyond compare.  We know when we take a grey muzzle into our heart and home they may not be with us for many years, but the amount of joy they bring to each and every moment is priceless.

And yet, there are days like today that I wonder how much more loss my heart can bear.  Yesterday I learned that yet another precious Daisy Dog will be leaving this earth much too soon.  Mercury is one of the sweetest, most loving dogs I’ve ever met.  His gentle manner and soulful eyes captured my heart the minute I met him.  He’s the very picture of what you expect from a Lab – loyal and loving, and yet his family dumped him in a kill shelter when he became inconvenient.   Perhaps it was his age – 10 years old – or maybe their lives changed and they no longer had time for him, I’ll never know  - and even if I did know the reasons I probably wouldn’t comprehend how anyone could abandon such a sweet soul.

Earlier last year my heart soared when Mercury was adopted by a wonderful young couple, Amber and Jason.  I knew instantly that they would give Mercury the loving home he deserved and that he, in turn, would love them with all his heart for the rest of his days.

Mercury hanging out in my studio patiently waiting for his forever mommy, Amber, to pick him up so he can start his new life! April 27, 2012

Mercury has had the very best life with Amber and Jason – he’s become their cherished fur child.  Late last year Mercury was diagnosed with cancer and after many consultations with vets and specialists, they decided to have his leg amputated.  His recovery was slow and often painful, but through it all there was one constant – Mercury’s love for Amber and Jason and their love for him.  I met Jason at the vet one day not long after the surgery.   As Mercury struggled to stand up on three legs, I saw the love in his eyes as he looked at his dad.  Watching Jason gently lift Mercury into the car and knowing how much he was loved, touched me deeply and I thanked God for people like Amber and her husband.

Mercury surrounded by his favorite duckies (post surgery) – Christmas 2012

And now, sadly, the cancer has spread to Mercury’s spleen and liver.  I got the word yesterday and it hit me so hard I could barely catch my breath.  Sadly, I know all too well, the pain and anguish that Amber and Jason are feeling.  I want so badly to help them but I know that there is nothing I can do or say that will make this any easier.  I’m heartbroken for them – and for dear, sweet Mercury.  To make matters even worse, they’re expecting their first baby next month.  This should be one of the happiest times in their lives and yet I know they are devastated at the thought of losing Mercury so soon.

And so, in my long roundabout way, I have finally gotten to the point of this post.  I’m often asked “how do I know when it’s time to say goodbye to my beloved fur child?”  There is no easy answer to this question.  I don’t think that anyone, not me or even a vet, can tell someone when it’s time to say goodbye.  The best advice I can give is to listen with your heart – your precious fur child will tell you when it’s time.

Sadly, I didn’t know this when my own sweet Sophie was diagnosed with cancer.  Many reading this blog never knew my beautiful black chowbador – she was pre-Daisy’s Place and in some aspects, the reason I got into rescue.  After she went to the rainbow bridge I was so lost that I needed to ‘do’ something and that’s when I attended my first rescue event – but that’s a story for another post.

Sophie, or Sophie Bear as we lovingly called her because of her thick beautiful fur, was my constant companion and shadow for almost ten years.  She was abandoned as a young pup and Micheal found her while on a jobsite – he brought her home to me as a surprise.  When we were renovating our building downtown, Sophie came with me every day and stayed by my side as I painted what would be our new home.  Sophie never wandered far from me and I never had to worry about her getting out the door for she would always stay within eyesight.  I could park on the street and open the car door and tell her to ‘go home’ and she’d walked down the sidewalk and sit patiently on the front steps while I unloaded.

“Did somebody say lunch???” Sophie Bear ‘on the job’ during renovation – July 2007

In October of 2007, we finally moved into our new home after a three year renovation.  Sophie loved living downtown and enjoyed our long walks through the city.  Two days before the new year, Sophie didn’t eat breakfast – this was highly unusual as she was strongly food motivated or pardon the pun, a chow hound!  Given that it was Saturday and a holiday weekend, I rushed her to our vet who immediately referred us to the specialty clinic.  After several long hours we were told that she would need to spend the night as there was some sort of mass on her xrays and they needed to do more tests.  Long story short, we got the call the next day – New Year’s Eve – Sophie had hemangiomasarcoma and it had spread to her spleen.  The vet at the specialty clinic said she most likely only had days to live and asked if I wanted to have her put to sleep – “NO,” I screamed into the phone, “I’m coming to pick her up right now!”

My beautiful yoga companion, her tail would softly wag whenever I chanted “om” – January 2008

And so began what were the most bittersweet two months of my life.  I read up on everything I could about canine cancer.  We made an appointment with a canine oncologist hoping she would affirm what we prayed for – a miracle that would save Sophie’s life.  When she told us that the cancer was too advanced, we thanked her and brought Sophie home refusing to believe her diagnosis.  I began cooking special food for Sophie, we continued our long therapeutic walks and I started bringing her into my yoga room while I practiced, believing that the quiet, peaceful energy would help heal her body.  I also had a sacred prayer circle of dear friends – we lit candles and surrounded Sophie with love, each praying silently for her recovery.

Micheal and me with our sweet girl after her tummy was shaved for the ultrasound – she loved going to Red’s for a burger!

During this time, Sophie showed no signs of illness – her appetite and energy level were good and we began to believe that perhaps we were being granted a miracle.  Until one beautiful Sunday, Sophie and I were out on our morning walk and I noticed she had slowed down … a shiver ran down my spine as I stopped to check her gums.  As I feared, they were pale – the dreaded sign of internal bleeding.  I called Micheal and told him to get the car ready – we needed to get to the emergency clinic immediately.  As we waited for the vet, I kept praying and still refused to believe that I would lose my beautiful girl.

Me and Sophie Bear just days before she went to the rainbow bridge – February 2008

This part is all a bit of a blur, so I honestly don’t remember all the technical terms or exact words from the vet – the upshot is that we were able to bring Sophie back home and the emergency room vet advised us to call the oncologist in the morning.  I spent one last night with my precious girl – she had stopped eating and as I begged her to take some ice chips from me, I still refused to give up.  I slept on the floor next to her as she didn’t want to be on our bed where she had slept by my side for almost a decade.  In the middle of the night she moved away from me and by the next morning she was lethargic and in pain.

We rushed her to the specialty clinic in the morning – her oncologist was not available and we were referred to another specialist.  As we sat in the exam room trying to comprehend our options, everything seemed surreal … I could barely understand what the vet was telling us and finally I asked, “what would you do if it was your dog?”   The response I got was not helpful, something about not being able to give us that opinion – and so, believing we were doing the best thing for our girl, Micheal and I told them to go ahead with a blood transfusion.  At this point, we were frantically grasping at straws to save our Sophie Bear.

This is the critical point in this post – and I can barely write it as tears blur my eyes  – if I could go back and do it all again, I would have lovingly let her go in that exam room.  At the time, I believed with all my heart, that we were doing the best thing for Sophie.  In retrospect, that was not the case.

They told us that Sophie would be transferred to the emergency clinic after the transfusion that evening and we could come back and visit her.  We anxiously counted the minutes and hours and then later that night we were finally able to see Sophie.  I was not prepared for what awaited us – Sophie was in the back, in a cold steel cage, her mid-section was bandaged and she was obviously in extreme pain.  As I sat on the concrete floor stroking her soft fur, I struggled to hold back the tears.   Micheal and I stayed with Sophie as long as we could – far into the night – and finally I knew – it was time to let go.  I looked at Micheal and we both knew our sweet girl was holding on for us, she would continue to fight and struggle as long as we were there, but she was in so much pain we had to say goodbye for her sake.  And so I whispered a quite “ommm” one last time to my beloved Sophie Bear.  It was barely 20 minutes after we got home that the phone call came – Sophie had gone into cardiac arrest shortly after we left and she had gone to the rainbow bridge.

Over five years later, just the thought of Sophie lying there alone in that sterile emergency clinic brings a flood of tears – and it remains one of the biggest regrets of my life.  If I had it to do over, I would have sat with Sophie in the vet’s office and lovingly said goodbye and I would not have put her through that painful and unnecessary blood transfusion.

Of course, I can’t go back and change things.  But hopefully my experience might help others who are facing the difficult decision of when to let go and say goodbye.  As I replay that awful day and night in my mind, I realize now that Sophie was trying to tell me she was ready to go – as they walked her down the hall for the blood transfusion, she looked over her shoulder at me … I should have known by the look in her eyes that she needed me to be strong, but all I could think of was my own desperate need to do everything I could to keep her with me.  Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for our precious fur children is to say goodbye.  It’s not giving up – for it takes great strength to know when to let go with love.

Many blessings,

Melissa

Note:  Thankfully Mercury and his parents have the tremendous support and guidance – and best medical care -  of what many of us (myself included!) now refer to as, the veterinary dream team – Dr. Doug Berger at All Creatures and Dr. Kerry Rissetto, canine oncologist at Charleston Veterinary Referral Center.  Sadly I didn’t know these two incredibly dedicated vets when Sophie was diagnosed, but I’m very grateful to have them in my life now!

Form vs. Function

Like most new couples, during our courtship phase, my husband Micheal and I would spend many hours talking about our hopes, dreams and plans for the future.  One night I asked him a question that had once been posed to me by a holistic doctor – “if you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you want to have with you?”  Micheal immediately answered, “food, water, shelter”.  My jaw dropped and I must have had a stunned look on my face because Micheal said “What’s wrong?  Why do you look so shocked?”  I responded that I’d never thought of those things before!  He was dumbfounded and asked what three things I would consider to be most important … my response was “my fur kids, art supplies and music”.  Now it was Micheal’s turn to be flabbergasted – and thus began the union of Form and Function.

Over the years Micheal and I have had a subtle on-going battle over which is more ‘important’, form or function.  I contend that they are both essential and that one complements the other.  He, on the other hand, insists that function plays a greater role because one can’t survive without the bare necessities (food/water/shelter).  Micheal does have a point, however, I choose to believe that to truly ‘live’, form plays an equally important role.  Quite simply, I can’t imagine a life without beauty, passion or purpose.  I believe that in order to thrive, we must do more than merely survive.

As we’ve renovated several old buildings together, Micheal and I have stuck to our form and function roles.  It serves us well and curtails any major arguments often faced by couples undertaking renovation projects.  Our rule is, if it has to do with how it ‘works’, Micheal gets the deciding vote (ie, electrical and plumbing design, structural issues, etc.) and if it has to do with how it ‘looks’, that’s my domain and I have the final say.

At this point in the renovation, function has been dominant – and the objective of providing shelter has been met.

Form joins Function – now it’s more than just shelter, it’s a home!

Although this works well in respect to our renovation projects, in other aspects of our lives – and the lives of many others, I’m sure – the quintessential question still remains:  is function more important than form?  Traditionally, men earned the money, provided the food/ water/shelter and women took care of the house and children, providing all the ‘extras’ – a warm inviting home, clean laundry, delicious meals to name a few – that, in my opinion, make life worth living.  As our world has evolved and more women have joined the work force, either by choice or necessity, the lines of form and function have blurred.

When Micheal and I first got married, we were equal partners in all aspects, including financially.  I had a successful decorative painting business and we split everything equally including the household bills and chores.  As the economy began to nose dive, so did my business.  I also began to get more involved in rescue and eventually started Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue, which consumes a lot of my time and resources.  Thankfully, I was able to transition into jewelry design, but it’s been a slow financial recovery period and when I’m not in my studio, I’m spending the majority of my time saving grey muzzles.  The bulk of the financial burden has fallen on Micheal and although he tries to be supportive as I follow my bliss, this shift has been the source of friction in our marriage.

He gets frustrated with the amount of time I spend on rescue when I ‘should’ (in his opinion) be focusing on building my business. I, in turn, get upset that he doesn’t see the value of what I bring to the table – the beautiful home that I’ve created for us, the delicious dinners I prepare, and the many intangibles that I believe create a beautiful life.  In his mind, function has become even more important because he’s now providing the food/water/shelter.  Now, I must add, I realize that he carries a heavy load right now – money is not flowing as it used to and with my limited financial contribution it falls on him to make sure we have a roof over our head so that I can continue to enjoy my studio, yoga room – and pursuing my passions, most importantly, saving the Daisy Dogs.  And yet, I still believe that what I’m contributing to our life together has as much value as the almighty dollar.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be earning what I used to – I’m independent by nature and it’s not easy for me to rely on someone (even my own husband) to provide for my basic necessities.  However, I cling to the notion that ‘form’ is essential to our existence.  I could go back to the corporate world (prior to decorative painting, I made my living as a PR professional), but the very idea sends shivers of anxiety ricocheting up and down my spine.  Without passion and purpose, I’m quite sure I could no longer thrive.  I might be able to exist, but my inner spark would surely flicker and die.

What was once a perfect union of form and function has become a power struggle.  Much like the chicken and the egg, it all depends on your point of view.  I’m curious to hear feedback from any of you reading this – is function more important than form, or are both equal parts of the whole?

Many blessings,

Melissa

When We’ve Done All That We Can Do

My heart has been very sad for a friend who recently had to make the most difficult decision to say goodbye to her beloved fur friend.  This was an especially hard decision given the fact that her dog was not physically ill, but rather he had become increasingly psychologically unstable and aggressive.  Now, before you rush to judgment, please understand that this decision was not made in haste – far from it, this was a decision made only after a very long and committed attempt to work with him on his aggressive behavior.  Trainers were brought in, vets were consulted, a reiki master was hired – in short, my friend went to the ends of the earth and back trying to understand and rehabilitate her dog.  Her other dog sustained multiple unprovoked attacks as did my friend and her husband, and it escalated to the point where they could no longer have guests in their home comfortably given their dog’s unpredictable behavior.  This is a dog who, although he had always been somewhat timid, went from enjoying romps on the beach to being fearful and extremely aggressive (towards people and other dogs) over time.  I know my friend agonized over the decision and tried everything within her power to help her beloved fur friend.  When I learned the news that she had finally had to say goodbye, I was filled with such a deep sadness – I know she loved this dog dearly and knowing her, I was sure she was blaming herself.  I didn’t know what to say to ease her pain, how can anyone make sense out of a situation like this?  The words, “I’m sorry”, just seem so inadequate.

There is an unspoken truth in rescue, that most of us don’t discuss beyond our ‘inner circle’ and that is the fact that almost all of us at one time or another have had to make the gut wrenching decision to euthanize a dog because of aggressive behavior.  It is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and one I don’t wish on my worst enemy.  I have sat at our vet’s office, saying goodbye to a dog I had vowed to save because he attacked and bit a visitor at his foster’s house.  He was not a ‘bad’ dog, but something had happened in his life that caused him to be fearful and thus, dangerous and unpredictable.  Like my friend, I consulted with trainers and vets and agonized over the decision and even after it was made, I kept second guessing myself.   Unfortunately, contrary to popular belief there is no magic farm where emotionally unbalanced dogs go to live out their lives being loved and cared for – yes there are a few sanctuaries, but the need far outweighs their capacity.  And so, more often than not, a decision has to be made to gently and lovingly say goodbye to these lost souls.

Having gone through this emotional turmoil with a foster dog, I could not even begin to imagine the anguish my friend was experiencing having to make this decision for her own dog that she had loved and cherished for many years.  I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and wondering why she had to go through this.  I tend to believe that there is always a reason for the painful experiences in our life – a silver lining or a lesson to be learned.   When I lost my beloved Daisy just 7 months after adopting her, I knew that she was sent to teach me the joy of opening my heart to an older dog – even if it meant she was only in my life for a short time.  As many reading this blog know, Daisy was the catalyst for me to create Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue, dedicated to saving and finding loving homes for abandoned Retrievers (Labs, Goldens and mixes) age six and older.  But what, I kept wondering, could possibly be the reason for my friend’s painful experience?  There couldn’t possibly be a silver lining in any of this.  What was her dog trying to teach her?  Another belief I hold dearly is that these amazing creatures come into our lives with important lessons to teach us.  Sometimes it’s as seemingly simple as unconditional love – often times I truly believe they come into our lives to teach us so much more.  I often say we must listen with our hearts to truly learn what these gifts from God have to teach us.  And again, I pondered, what was my friend’s dog trying to say to her?

As I meditated today after yoga, a thought popped into my brain – it was so random and almost fleeting and I had to struggle to hold onto it before it was gone.  It was almost more of an image than an articulated thought.  I saw in my mind’s eye, my friend – a strong, courageous, compassionate and determined woman – someone who didn’t back down from a challenge, and someone who much like myself, truly believes that if she works hard enough, puts in enough effort, cares deeply enough and wills it TO BE, she can make order out of chaos and make everything RIGHT.  I’m struggling a bit with the words here, so bear with me please.  What came to me in a moment of silence was the fact that sometimes we can’t fix everything, no matter how ‘perfect’ we try to be, no matter how ‘good’ we are, no matter how much love we extend to another, sometimes we just have to let go and have faith that we’ve done all we can do.  We have to forgive ourselves for our ‘failings’ and more importantly, we have to love ourselves the most when we feel we have fallen the hardest.  I think perhaps this is what my friend’s dog was trying to tell her – despite all the love, the dedication and commitment she had given him, he could not be ‘fixed’.  There was something broken deep inside him and it was time for him to leave this earth, to run free at the rainbow bridge.   I’m convinced that he would want her to know that he doesn’t blame her and more importantly he would want her to be kind to herself, to allow herself the same compassion and forgiveness she had given him for so long, despite his behavior.

Every day the majority of us strive to make the ‘right’ decisions, we consciously choose to do our best under any given situation.  And the reality is that no matter how hard we try, there are going to be times that we encounter difficult and often painful experiences.  Sometimes we will triumph and sometimes we have to let go and accept that there are things beyond our control – and we have to learn to be at peace with the fact that we’ve done our best.  Most importantly, we must learn to give ourselves the same love and compassion that we would a treasured friend – whether 2 legged or 4 pawed.

I realize there are no words that can heal my friend’s pain right now, but I pray in time she will find peace and her heart will heal knowing she did the very best she could do given the most difficult set of circumstances.  Perhaps we all need to remember – do unto OURSELVES as we would do unto others.

Many Blessings,

Melissa

Hidden Blessings

As 2012 came to an end I had been thinking a lot of about hidden blessings.  The year was an emotional roller coaster complete with many ups and downs, tears and joy and often joy filled tears!  As I continued to work on choosing balance, I often slid down the slippery slope of placing all the things that brought me joy on the back burner.  Often ‘too busy’ to stop and quiet my mind with an hour of yoga or a relaxing walk with my precious fur kids, I kept charging along for the better part of the year, intent on crossing off everything on my ‘to do’ list before allowing myself the luxury of balance.

In September, everything came to a screeching halt when my beloved grey muzzle, Magnolia, was diagnosed with malignant melanoma.  We always think there is tomorrow to spend with loved ones and do the things that are really important, but Magnolia’s diagnosis was a wake-up call for me.  At first I agonized over all the hours I had spent taking care of so many other grey muzzles.  As the director and founder of Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue, there are never enough hours in the day to run a rescue, focus on my business as a jewelry designer and juggle ‘life’.  I spent many sleepless nights thinking about all the times I had raced out the door to take a foster dog to the vet, while Magnolia stood patiently wagging her tail and I promised we would go to the beach ‘tomorrow’.  Magnolia’s illness somehow gave me permission to focus on what was really important in my life, to take a step back and realize that I didn’t have to do it all.  As I began prioritizing, I realized that I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life – friends, family, rescue supporters – all who wanted to help, they were just waiting for me to ask!

The day that Magnolia was due to have her stitches out after having the mass in her mouth and part of her cheek removed, my husband, Micheal, and I noticed that our sweet Poppy was having issues with one of her eyes.  It seemed swollen and red, so after taking Magnolia to see her surgeon I ran Poppy over to our vet.  After examining her, he immediately referred us to the canine ophthalmologist and several days later we learned that our precious girl has an inoperable bone tumor.  I was devastated to say the least and just couldn’t comprehend that this could be happening – not two of my babies at once!

As the holidays approached, we prayed that Poppy would be with us for one last Christmas.  Magnolia had been going through treatment and was doing well, but we knew that we were on borrowed time with Poppy.  Each day was a gift to be treasured and as I began to really live in the moment I found that there were more hidden blessings than I could even count.  As a jewelry designer, the holidays are my busiest time of year and often the most stressful.  Add to that, the fact that so many dogs are dumped in kill shelters during the holidays, and it’s little wonder that over the past few years I’ve barely had time to enjoy what used to be my favorite time of the year.  I vowed that Christmas 2012 would be different – there would be more joy and less stress!

On Christmas morning as I sat watching ALL of our beloved fur kids enjoying their stuffed toys, bones and various treats, I experienced the wonder of the season that I used to feel as a child.  There are no words to express my gratitude for all the hidden blessings in my life.  To try and list them all would take many pages and be far too long for anyone to wade through.  But I do hope to convey that by slowing down and focusing on what is really important to me, I have finally found that elusive balance I have been searching for over the past several years!  Amazingly, I had my most successful selling season, we saved a record number of grey muzzles the week before Christmas AND I had the luxury of spending quality time with friends, family and my fur kids.

Poppy and Magnolia – My Sweet Christmas Angels!

I was reminded again of hidden blessings on the last weekend of the year.  Normally the week after Christmas is my time to relax and regroup.  This year, however, I had a trunk show scheduled at Charleston Place Hotel.  Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to it – all I really wanted to do was curl up on the couch with my fur kids and enjoy a few more days gazing at the tree lights.  I awoke early the day after Christmas and headed down to my studio to survey what inventory I had left after a busy holiday season and tried to summon what little energy I had to make a few pieces for my upcoming trunk show.  Once at my work table, my creativity began to soar and I worked non-stop for two days getting ready.  On Friday morning, the 28^th, I loaded up my car and headed off to the hotel.  As I often do before a trunk show, I began my mantra, “all I need to do is be joyful, that is my only purpose” – I’ve found that this helps me to live in the moment and stop focusing on selling but rather to align my energy and open myself to the experience.  The hotel was fairly quiet but the valet told me that 300 guests were checking into the hotel for the big Renaissance Weekend.  Once I began setting up, I was reminded again of how much I enjoyed being at the hotel, the opportunity to meet new people is one of my favorite things about doing these trunk shows.

Just as I had finished setting up, a gentleman walked over to my tables and started perusing my jewelry.  His wife joined him and he began pointing out pieces that he thought she would like.  The moment I saw them together I was immediately struck by the intimacy they shared – they literally radiated love and affection for each other.  Art started handing me pieces and said, “make sure she buys these” and I joked that he should hold a workshop for husbands as never before has my own uttered those words!  We chatted for a few moments and his wife, Barbara, selected the pieces she wanted.  After they had gone I realized that I was indeed feeling joyful.  Yes, I had started my morning with a nice sale, but more importantly, meeting Art and Barbara had lifted my spirits – just being in their presence had left me with a warm glow.  As the day progressed, the hotel began to buzz as guests checked in and time flew by.  I saw Art and Barbara walk by several times and we waived a quick hello.

Saturday flew by in a blur and I got up early on Sunday for day three.  Upon arriving at the hotel, I was greeted again by Art and Barbara.  As Barbara tried on a few more pieces, Art and I chatted and he began to tell me their story.  The two of them began dating in 1960 while in high school.

Art and Barbara – November 24, 1965

After five years of dating they parted as friends and each went their separate ways (I’m condensing this as much as possible) – after 50 years Art decided to reconnect with Barbara.  He had been divorced for 10 years and as he began his internet search for his long lost high school sweetheart he couldn’t find her as she’d kept her married name.  Barbara had been living in La Jolla, CA for quite some time (Art lived in the Washington, DC area) and had been enjoying a fulfilling life with her children, grand children and good friends as well as being a successful real estate agent.  Art happened upon a cancer survivor’s chat room and discovered several classmates who told him that Barbara was also a cancer survivor and gave him her contact information.  Long story short – Art and Barbara got married in 2011 – after a 50 year separation!  If Barbara had not had cancer, Art may never have found her.

Art and Barbara – November 5, 2011. Shortly after their wedding!

Please understand that I’m not implying that having a life threatening disease is a blessing, but Art and Barbara’s story touched me deeply and I will always be grateful for meeting these two amazing people.  Seeing the love that they shared was such an inspiration, especially after learning that they had so recently rediscovered each other!  Note to self, do not take Micheal for granted.  I probably should have mentioned earlier, but one of the biggest hidden blessings in the past few months has been my husband’s love and support!

It’s my hope that everyone reading this will take a moment to look for the hidden blessings in their life.  All too often we get so wrapped up in the drama, whether it be a health or financial crisis, we forget to give thanks for all the good in our lives.  By taking the time to count your blessings, life will have a way of working out better than you could ever have imagined!

Wishing you all a Joyful 2013,

Melissa

‘Til Death Do Us Part

Anyone who has ever lost a beloved fur child knows all too well the pain when they leave us to cross over the rainbow bridge.  They bring so much love and joy to our lives and leave us all too soon.  If you’re very blessed, you have a lifetime of happy memories to cling to once they are gone.  You have a photo album of precious puppy photos (for the purpose of this blog I’ll stick to the canine types, although the felines are no less important members of our families!)  and then many happy memories as they grew older with you and your family.  You can still remember the triumphant feeling of the first time they went potty outside by themselves, sat for a cookie, or maneuvered the stairs by themselves.  As they began to age, they might have slowed down, but they remained faithful companions – always greeting you with a wagging tail at the end of a long day.  Most likely, for as long as you can remember, they were there for you – providing unconditional love.  And once they are gone, there’s an emptiness in your heart that no amount of comforting words – or chocolate ice cream – can repair.

For those of us in rescue, most especially those who bring the grey muzzles into our lives, there are no puppy pictures to cling to, no memories of watching them grow into their feet or first birthdays celebrated.  Our joy with these precious old souls is measured in moments rather than years.  We never knew them as young, energetic, carefree pups – most come to us somewhat broken and battered, but with an amazing spirit and capacity to love and be loved.  They steal our hearts the moment we lay eyes on their sweet white or grey faces, and we rejoice at the slow wag of their tails as they realize they are safe and loved.  Many ask us, “how can you open your heart to these old souls knowing they will leave so soon?” and we answer quite simply, “how can we not?”.

Today I said goodbye to one of the sweetest, most loving grey muzzles that I’ve had the honor to meet and love.  Otis was dumped at a rural high kill shelter, condemned to die simply because he was old and no longer convenient to the people he had loved and trusted his entire life.  My dear friend Mary saved Otis from certain death, and another generous heart, Linda, assisted her with his vetting (which was extensive), promising to transport him from South Carolina to her home in Florida to live out his years if he didn’t find his forever home.  And yet another friend with a courageous heart, Kim, took him into her home as a foster.  We all prayed that Otis would find the loving forever home he deserved.

Several months ago Otis accompanied us on a weekend trip to the beach.   The main purpose of this was to see how he did on the long staircase leading up to the house as he had previously been in one story buildings and there was a family interested in adopting him, but they had a two story home.  The first night he froze when encountering the stairs – Mary and I offered treats, encouragement and cheering, but no go – Otis was petrified and Mary carried him up and down the stairs.  That first night, being the ‘softie’ that I am, I picked him up and placed him on my bed, he seemed unsure at first, but once I climbed in next to him, he snuggled up close, let out a deep happy moan and slept with his head next to my pillow.  We had several happy cuddling moments in the morning before getting out of bed, and then tried the stairs again.  Still no success.  Later that afternoon we tried the stairs again and this time he ventured down, but wouldn’t walk back up.  That night he slept spooned next to me again, his contented sighs lulling me to sleep.  The next morning I took him out to go potty, he went down the stairs and when it was time to walk back up again I didn’t look back, I just started up the stairs (slowly) and little by little, one step at a time, Otis followed.  I swear I could hear the theme song from Rocky when we reached the top step!  He did it!  Otis was so excited, his tail was wagging and he seemed to have a bit of a bounce in his step!  I have tears in my eyes just thinking of that proud and happy moment.

To make a long story short, Otis never did find his forever home.  The prospective adopters were not a good fit and so Otis stayed with his foster mom Kim and lived happily with his foster siblings, Laverne and Shirley, two little Yorkies.

This week, Otis began to noticeably slow down.  I saw him on Monday afternoon and he wasn’t his usual affectionate self, I could tell he was happy to see me but it was as if it required too much energy to even wag his tail or walk across the room to sit by my feet.  Mary took him to the vet and as suspected, his body was beginning to shut down, broken and tired from years of probable neglect.  He was heartworm positive, was going into kidney failure and the vet suspected that cancer had set in.  Otis underwent a battery of tests although none of us really needed to wait for the results, we knew in our hearts that the end was near.

Mary says goodbye to her beloved grey muzzle, Otis

Early this afternoon Mary called me, Otis couldn’t stand up and she knew the time had come.  I grabbed my keys and got in the car to meet her at the vet before they closed for the weekend.  One look at Otis when I saw him in the parking lot and I knew, Otis was ready to go to the rainbow bridge.  He had known 8 months of love and to him it was a lifetime.  All the pain from his past neglect was erased, Otis knew he was loved and treasured as he drew his last breath.  Mary and I sat on the floor, stroking his soft fur as he quietly laid his head down and closed his eyes.  There is something very sacred about being with these amazing souls as they leave this earth.  Yes, it’s sad and painful and many tears are shed, but it’s also an honor to sit with them as they begin their journey to the rainbow bridge.

As Mary and I stood hugging in the parking lot after Otis was gone, it occurred to me that rescuing these precious grey muzzles is much like entering into a marriage.  From the moment we save them, we make the commitment to love, honor and cherish them.  In sickness and in health, through richer and poorer (most often the later in rescue!) – ‘til death do us part.  It is a sacred commitment and one we rescuers take seriously.  It’s an unspoken oath that we will never let one of these beloved souls go to the rainbow bridge alone.  That is our solemn vow and in return they give us unimaginable love and joy – for as long as we are blessed to have them in our lives.

Run free Otis.  You are deeply loved and will live on in our hearts and memories forever.

Many blessings,

Melissa

Happy Friday the 13th!

I originally posted this back in January – and here we are just three months later with our second Friday the 13th this year!  I’m re-posting for those of you who missed it the first time – enjoy and celebrate Friday the 13th!

 

For as long as I can remember Friday the 13th has always been a lucky day for me.  When I was younger, some of my best dates were had on this day of the year and I’ve always felt a certain sense of anticipation when a Friday the 13th was approaching!  Maybe that’s because I’ve always been one of those people who refuses to believe in bad luck or anything that is ‘icky’ or dark.  (I once had a therapist tell me that all I wanted to see was the ’pretty’ side of life and that I needed to explore the darker corners of my mind and emotions.  WHY would I possibly want to do that??? – OK, so that’s a topic for another day.)

Back to Friday the 13th … about 15 years ago – yikes! – I read a wonderful book by Marianne Williamson, “A Woman’s Worth”, and in it she describes this much feared day so beautifully:  “We are used to thinking of Friday the thirteenth as bad luck.  In fact Friday the thirteenth was the day the witches gathered.  When the patriarchal system, headed by the early church, began to squelch the power of women, witches were deemed evil, and many great women were deemed witches.  Their meeting time, then, was seen as bad luck rather than as what it truly was:  a time for women to gather and share energy and pray together and heal.”  Those words resonated deep within me and from that day forward I’ve always CELEBRATED Friday the 13th – sometimes with other witches – empowered women! – and sometimes quietly alone, lighting a candle and honoring my inner witch, Goddess and Wonder Woman!

I did this collage several years ago and have shared it with very few.  Actually, I had forgotten about it until today when I was mulling over my thoughts on Friday the 13th and what I was going to write in this blog.  It seems appropriate that I finally throw caution to the wind and expose my inner Wonder Woman today for all the world (or however many might read this post) to see!

My Inner Wonder Woman

If you’re a woman reading this today, I hope that I’ve inspired you to honor your greatness and all that you have to give to the world – and yourself!  And by chance, if there are any of the male types reading this – surprise the witch/Goddess/Wonder Woman in your life by honoring her today, show her how grateful you are for everything she brings to your life each and every day!

Right now, more than ever, the world  needs feminine energy – our compassion, empathy, tenderness, strength and magic!

Blessings,

Melissa

Hopelessly Lost

I am exhausted … completely wiped out and I don’t feel that I’ve gotten much of anything done today. I’ve been hopelessly lost in social media hell … I’ve Facebooked, tweeted, pinned and Etsied (don’t know the technical term for listing on Etsy!) and now I’m wrapping up my day with blogging. How on earth does anyone get any actual work done?!? Between promoting our Daisy Dogs (Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue) on Facebook, website and Petfinder and trying to make a living as a jewelry designer (so I can afford to keep doing rescue), I seem to spend more and more time on the computer and in what I think of as ‘virtual reality’. I must confess, maybe I’m just getting old, but I’m not really understanding the point of all this online networking. Yes, I understand that it helps promote my products and our Daisy Dogs – but does it actually lead to any tangible results? I have my doubts at this point. There is just so much ‘out there’!

My day started with such promise – enjoying a brisk morning stroll with my sweet old Magnolia. We wandered through our downtown neighborhood, collected some more gingko leaves as inspiration for my new line of jewelry and then came home to get to work. It all seemed to spiral downward from there. An entire day spent staring at this little screen and I’m feeling frustrated, cranky, stiff and somewhat depressed.

Gingko Leaves - symbolizing hope, resilience, peace and longevity

Balance does not seem to be in the cards today. I’ve got to get ready to go meet with an adopter – what I really want to do is close the door to my yoga room, light a candle and take to my mat, then turn on some inspiring music and actually have time to create!

Sorry, but I have no words of inspiration today, no uplifting stories about our precious grey muzzles or anything else for that matter. My spiritual tank is running on empty. What I could really use is some feedback, dare I ask for encouragement? I’d like someone to explain to me how all this social media works and why we need to do it. Next, I’d love for someone to offer advice on how to find enough hours in the day to Facebook, tweet, pin, blog, etc. AND create jewelry so I can actually earn a living to pay my bills and/or secure forever homes for our Daisy Dogs – preferably both!

Thank you for any insight, suggestions or comments you might have. I’m going to meditate on my gingko leaves for a moment as they represent hope and heaven knows I could use some right about now!

Blessings,
Melissa

Easter – a time for new beginnings

Easter Chicks

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve loved Easter! The mere sight of the beautifully colored eggs, fluffy little chicks and cute stuffed bunnies brings a flood of memories from my childhood – the pretty pastel dresses for church, dying eggs with my sister, and the gorgeous baskets we would find hidden on Easter morning. I can still recall one of my favorite Easter baskets, I must have been about five years old, the Easter Bunny was very clever that year and hid my basket in the oven. I squealed with delight upon discovering the basket laden with goodies and best of all a big fat brand new box of crayons – so many wonderful colors all just waiting for me to unleash my creativity!

I don’t have a big sweet tooth, but love Easter candy, too. Not so much to eat, but to look at – all those beautiful colors! I even love Peeps and use them to decorate my Easter table, seeing those cute little faces peering out makes me smile with nostalgia. I confess, I’ve never actually eaten a chocolate bunny – I just never could bring myself to bite off their cute little head, or even a tail!

Although the days of finding Easter baskets in the oven or brightly colored eggs in the grass are long since gone, I still love this holiday. To me, it signifies a time of new beginnings. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious, but I like the symbolism of resurrection, a chance to begin anew. The flowers are blooming, the birds are singing and the sun is shining – all signs that give me hope for a brighter future.

Today I’ll be celebrating new beginnings with a houseful of good friends and delicious food, a table set with all my favorite Easter mementos and remembering all the delights of Easters past – and the anticipation of good things yet to come. Although my family is thousands of miles away, I’ll be remembering those precious childhood years when my mother always made every holiday special – most especially, Easter – to me, the most beautiful holiday. I wish you all a Happy Easter, a day filled with love, joy, hope and new beginnings!

Blessings,
Melissa

Forgiveness

One of the sweetest souls I’ve ever met came into my life this week. Ralphie is a darling little yellow lab, about a year old, who was scheduled to be euthanized at a shelter. He’s been badly abused, has a large gash on his head and eye that our vet now believes to be some sort of chemical burn, and one of his front elbows is severely dislocated. When the shelter initially emailed me to literally beg for Ralphie’s life, my brain and heart were battling over the decision to save him. Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue is dedicated to saving older Retrievers and Ralphie is not old, and we already have mounting vet bills that we’re struggling to pay. And yet I couldn’t get his photo out of my mind. I threw caution to the wind and responded that we’d take Ralphie and he’d be one of our honorary Daisy Dogs under the age of six, or as we lovingly call them, Rosebuds.

Ralphie's Shelter Photo

I was not prepared for the impact Ralphie would have on my heart upon his arrival. It was hard not to burst into tears when I looked at the wound on his head and eye and the way he hopped/limped when carefully lifted out of the car by our transport volunteer. But what struck me the most was Ralphie’s amazing spirit and his truly joyful disposition! I expected him to be perhaps a little fearful and guarded after all he’s been through – but Ralphie LOVES everyone and his smile is infectious! After he arrived in Charleston, I immediately took him to our vet where he had x-rays and a complete exam. The only sign of fear that he showed was crossing thresh holds – he’s absolutely terrified to walk through doorways. I shudder to think of the horrors he’s survived and can only imagine what has happened to him. Like any other young dog, he’s curious and energetic – so he had to be sedated for x-rays. Afterwards he laid his head in my lap and looked up at me with such love and trust, he melted my heart.

Ralphie laying his head in my lap

Next on Ralphie’s agenda was an appointment to be neutered. After a day’s recovery, I picked him up and took him to our ophthalmologist and orthopedic surgeon for evaluation. The good news is that he does have some sight in his eye, but will need surgery to see if the eye lid can be repaired so that the eye can be saved. Our orthopedic surgeon is going to try to relocate his elbow during eye surgery. So we are optimistic about his chances for making a full recovery. Of course, Ralphie doesn’t really care about any of this – all he knows is that he’s a happy dog and he just copes with his physical limitations.

So Ralphie has now been to four vets in three days – he’s been neutered, has had x-rays, a full eye exam and has been poked and prodded – through it all he continues to love everyone and displays a true zest for life! When I posted his story and photo on Facebook, we received an outpouring of concern and support – but what really got me thinking was the intense outrage and dislike (dare I use the word hatred?) for whoever caused this sweet boy’s injuries. Don’t get me wrong, I think animal abuse is one of the worst crimes imaginable – I can’t even comprehend how anyone could cause such harm to such an innocent loving creature. And yet, Ralphie displays no signs of distrust and I’m quite certain that if confronted with the person who caused him harm, he would forgive. Perhaps not forget, but surely he would forgive.

Dogs have an amazing capacity to forgive. And perhaps this is another valuable lesson they are here to teach us. It’s perfectly natural to instantly feel anger towards those who harm innocent animals – or anyone else for that matter – but aren’t we perpetuating the problem by spewing hatred? I have no idea what could possibly cause someone to commit such unspeakable acts of cruelty, but I have to believe that these people are deeply disturbed, unhappy and miserable in their own minds. To commit such violent crimes is surely a cry for help – deep inside they must be screaming out for someone to love them – even if they, themselves, don’t realize it. I’m not a psychologist, so I can’t speak from that view point, but I can speak from the heart and I truly believe that dogs want to teach us unconditional love, compassion and yes, forgiveness.

Ralphie is now in a loving foster home and all he knows is that life is good! He adores his girl, Maddie, and is learning what it means to be part of a loving family.

Ralphie and Maddie

Instead of being united by intolerance and judgement, it’s my hope that animal lovers and advocates can be united through love – our love for these amazing animals who are such a gift in our lives and love and forgiveness for those who have lost their way. There is a very real vibrational difference between vengeance and justice – let us continue to be a voice for those who can’t speak for themselves, but let us make sure we speak as these precious creatures would, with love and forgiveness. Our world is in desperate need of healing energy – perhaps dogs are sent to guide us to a more loving place in our own hearts.

many blessings,
Melissa

If you would like to follow Ralphie’s story, we’ll be posting updates on our Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/DaisysPlace Donations towards Ralphie’s vetting, can be made on our website, click on ‘be a link in our Daisy Chain’ www.daisysplace.org

Daisy Dog Cookies to Help Fight Leukemia and Lymphoma

Today I’m honored to be part of an online bake sale to help fight Leukemia and Lymphoma.

I’m not normally much of a baker – I love to cook, but find that baking requires way too much measuring and I don’t always do well with following directions as I like to ‘make it up’ as I go along! However, every holiday season my big pink mixer comes out and I bake non-stop for days on end. This past year I started realizing that everyone was on sugar overload and since just about everyone I know has fur children, I dedicated my baking time to creating Daisy Dog Cookies for all my favorite fur peeps! I wish I could take credit for the recipe, but I got it from my dad … my fur kids love it when granddad comes to visit as he always makes them these delicious treats. Each bite sized cookie is all natural made with oatmeal, peanut butter, whole wheat flour, molasses and milk – and they are Daisy Dog (Daisy’s Place Retriever Rescue) tested and approved with big high paws!

Daisy Dog Cookies to Benefit The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society

This is an AUCTION PRIZE for the TNT (Team in Training) ONLINE BAKE SALE to benefit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society on Friday, March 2, 2012! To bid on these Daisy Dog Cookies – or other delish people treats! – go to: www.stephsbitebybite.com

Wishing everyone a beautiful and delicious weekend!
blessings,
Melissa